Uncertainty

My finals ended about a week ago. I guess I should be relieved, I mean isn't that what you normally feel after an exam? but I'm not.That was by far, the worst exam I have ever sat for. Even my driving test went better than that, and we all know how that turned out. 

How do you sit back and enjoy your holidays when the thought of possibly failing your exams linger at the back of your mind?

I had a conversation with dad yesterday. I let my guard down, and I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying and I accidentally told him that I might fail. A normal father would calm you down, reassure you that it's okay to fail. He might even hug you afterwards.

But not my fucking dad. He started scolding really loudly -some might call it yelling- that how can I even fathom the thought of failing, That my one and only job in the world is to study and I can't even do that right. That I have to pay my own exam fees if I fail. What's so hard about that? I'll just be a prostitute hah

But honestly, I have the most un-supportive parents in the world. Throughout this 2 and a half years, not once I complained about the hardship of Medicine because I know my parents will laugh and ridicule me about it. I know it sounds like I'm an ungrateful child, I agree that my parents have done a lot for me. They've been great guardians but I'm not sure if they've been great parents. 

One good thing out of all these is that I know exactly how to raise my children. Doing the opposite of what mine did.

Back to the topic of uncertainty, I'm pretty uncertain about my future. Results will be out in 2 days. I'm not sure if I can handle retaking the exams. I don't think I am emotionally capable of that. And I'm not ready to give up this carefree lifestyle I have going on at the moment. I should have studied harder damn it.
I'm hoping for the best but I'm prepared for the worst. 

Best of luck to all of us.