Never in my life I would've thought that I would fail an exam. I know I'm not the smartest of the bunch, but I always thought I was smart enough.
Apparently I was wrong.
It was a Friday afternoon. We all rushed to AAD to get the results. I was so reluctant walking in, I should've realized that something is going to go wrong. I opened the slip, and my heart just dropped. C-. Fail. I've never gotten a C- in my life. But the thing was, I kept calm. My housemate was there, I could see that she was shocked with my result too, but she too kept calm. Everything is alright. It was just a piece of paper. No one cares. It doesn't mean anything right?
Right?
That Afternoon itself, me and my another housemate went back to her hometown. I could see that she was trying so hard to cheer me up, but I didn't know why she felt the need too. I was fine, I swear. It was a great weekend, she has so many cousins, I was so happy for that three days.
But things only went downhill when we came home. When I closed my room door, I realized that I wasn't fine. And so it began, I've never cried that much in my life. I cried for a week. Every night was torture. Everyone kept telling me that the result didn't matter, that I'm smarter than that. That I'm smart.
For once in my life, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe myself.
I changed after that. Many people told me that I've changed. I don't answer as much questions at the wards anymore, I was so scared to present in case the lecturers tell me off for being dumb, I was doubting myself on a daily basis. You could say life wasn't going so well for me.
Things only got worse at night. I question myself a lot, do I belong in med school, can I pass the next exam, what if I'm not good enough, what will I tell SimeDarby. My parents would be so disappointed.
Before I know it, another exam was coming up. I was terrified. And to make matters worse, my examiner is the strictest of the lot, and it has been a while since he passed all his students. And apparently he's a racist. You can say that I was fucked.
The days were passing fast. I was reading as much as I can, asking help from everyone and anyone. And most of them were not supportive at all.
'I would be nervous if I were you Vani.'
'You should pray harder Vani.'
My housemates were really supportive though. I think they were afraid I would fail again.
It was the day of exams. Four of us were waiting for him outside. I was already a nervous wreck, and the others were making it worse. He finally came, gave me a patient and left. And let me just tell you, everything that could go wrong went wrong.
1. He only gave me 30 minutes instead of 1 hour.
2. The patient he gave me was one from the critical unit.
3. The patient was so weak and he was gasping while he talks.
4. Even then he was the most long winding person I've met.
5. And they were about to change his bed, while I was clerking.
6. His file wasn't there for God's sake.
7. His symptoms were all over the place, and he was unsure of his problem.
While I was about to pass out, his daughter came, like an angel and answered all my questions. I didn't even have time to rearrange my notes, Prof came and summoned us. That's it, I thought, I'm screwed.
Two of them went before me, Prof wasn't very pleased with them but they both passed. I wasn't sure if that's good or bad news for me. My turn came and I just gave him my best. I presented the best way I could, clearly and with a huge fake smile on my face. After that he asked me 7358 questions and he asked me to interpret a X-Ray. For some unknown reason, I answered everything and interpreted the best way I could. Prof just looked at me and he smiled. And that moment I knew I passed. I was smiling from ear to ear, while he marked my exam sheet. And then he gave me the paper. I wanted to cry when I saw it.
4/5
I just looked at him, I didn't believe it. He just looked at me and said, 'I don't like giving people good, and I only give it to those who deserve it, and you deserve it. Look at the paper, that is your results now, and I want you to forget your previous results. They don't mean anything now. Ok?'
I wanted to cry so badly, and I wanted to hug him. I didn't do any of it, so I just smiled and nodded.
I was so negative early that day, I couldn't believe how this day has turned out. And I was the only one to get 4 and compliments from him. There is just something about a world class surgeon, patting your back, looking at you in the eyes, and telling you that you're good.
And for the first time in months, I believed him. Things were good again. The rest is history.
