Failure

Never in my life I would've thought that I would fail an exam. I know I'm not the smartest of the bunch, but I always thought I was smart enough.

Apparently I was wrong.

It was a Friday afternoon. We all rushed to AAD to get the results. I was so reluctant walking in, I should've realized that something is going to go wrong. I opened the slip, and my heart just dropped. C-. Fail. I've never gotten a C- in my life. But the thing was, I kept calm. My housemate was there, I could see that she was shocked with my result too, but she too kept calm. Everything is alright. It was just a piece of paper. No one cares. It doesn't mean anything right?

Right?

That Afternoon itself, me and my another housemate went back to her hometown. I could see that she was trying so hard to cheer me up, but I didn't know why she felt the need too. I was fine, I swear. It was a great weekend, she has so many cousins, I was so happy for that three days.

But things only went downhill when we came home. When I closed my room door, I realized that I wasn't fine. And so it began, I've never cried that much in my life. I cried for a week. Every night was torture. Everyone kept telling me that the result didn't matter, that I'm smarter than that. That I'm smart.

For once in my life, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe myself.

I changed after that. Many people told me that I've changed. I don't answer as much questions at the wards anymore, I was so scared to present in case the lecturers tell me off for being dumb, I was doubting myself on a daily basis. You could say life wasn't going so well for me.

Things only got worse at night. I question myself a lot, do I belong in med school, can I pass the next exam, what if I'm not good enough, what will I tell SimeDarby. My parents would be so disappointed.

Before I know it, another exam was coming up. I was terrified. And to make matters worse, my examiner is the strictest of the lot, and it has been a while since he passed all his students. And apparently he's a racist. You can say that I was fucked.

The days were passing fast. I was reading as much as I can, asking help from everyone and anyone. And most of them were not supportive at all.

'I would be nervous if I were you Vani.'
'You should pray harder Vani.'

My housemates were really supportive though. I think they were afraid I would fail again.

It was the day of exams. Four of us were waiting for him outside. I was already a nervous wreck, and the others were making it worse. He finally came, gave me a patient and left. And let me just tell you, everything that could go wrong went wrong.

1. He only gave me 30 minutes instead of 1 hour.
2. The patient he gave me was one from the critical unit.
3. The patient was so weak and he was gasping while he talks.
4. Even then he was the most long winding person I've met.
5. And they were about to change his bed, while I was clerking.
6. His file wasn't there for God's sake.
7. His symptoms were all over the place, and he was unsure of his problem.

While I was about to pass out, his daughter came, like an angel and answered all my questions. I didn't even have time to rearrange my notes, Prof came and summoned us. That's it, I thought, I'm screwed.

Two of them went before me, Prof wasn't very pleased with them but they both passed. I wasn't sure if that's good or bad news for me. My turn came and I just gave him my best. I presented the best way I could, clearly and with a huge fake smile on my face. After that he asked me 7358 questions and he asked me to interpret a X-Ray. For some unknown reason, I answered everything and interpreted the best way I could. Prof just looked at me and he smiled. And that moment I knew I passed. I was smiling from ear to ear, while he marked my exam sheet. And then he gave me the paper. I wanted to cry when I saw it.

4/5

I just looked at him, I didn't believe it. He just looked at me and said, 'I don't like giving people good, and I only give it to those who deserve it, and you deserve it. Look at the paper, that is your results now, and I want you to forget your previous results. They don't mean anything now. Ok?'

I wanted to cry so badly, and I wanted to hug him. I didn't do any of it, so I just smiled and nodded.

I was so negative early that day, I couldn't believe how this day has turned out. And I was the only one to get 4 and compliments from him. There is just something about a world class surgeon, patting your back, looking at you in the eyes, and telling you that you're good.

And for the first time in months, I believed him. Things were good again. The rest is history.

Holiday Checklist

Yo crazy mofos, how's it going? I know what you're thinking. Two blog posts in two days? Has this world gone mad? No I'm just really really bored ok. Just shut up and read them ok. Jeez, can you like stop complaining? Honestly, I do so much for you and this is how you act towards me? What did I do to deserve this? 

Wait, whaaaat. That escalated quickly. Hahaha, I know it seems like I'm on crack but I swear I'm not ;) don't get fooled by the winky face, I really am not. I really, really wanna try though. Eh wait, whaaaat. No that's not what I meant. LOL this blog post is a mess, kinda like my life. Oh well.

Since it's the holidays, there are a few things I would like to accomplish because I don't plan to waste away my life, kind of like what I've been doing these days, so that in a few months, I can look back and think "Wow Vani, I'm proud of you, you didn't fuck shit up this time :)" Anyway, I've listed them down below.

1. Start sketching.

Ah yes. I used to sketch when I was younger, it used to be one of the things that made me happy -and that I was really good at- but I've stopped for a few years now. Some were pretty good that people offered me money for it. But no, I would never in a million years sell them. God knows I can't draw those pretty pictures ever again. So yes, I've bought a sketch book and I've started drawing a few of my friends. And the drawings turned out pretty great. Ok well, that was a lie. The drawings look like shit. Ah well, I tried lol.

2. Finish my book.

Oh yea motherfuckers I'm writing a book! Okay it's still in the draft stage-has been in that stage for 4 years- well don't blame me, momma's been busy ;) But you know what, I'm going to get it done. For all you fans out there, no I didn't mean my ceiling fans, the title of the book is 'Only You' and it's about this forbidden love between this two friends and I'm not willing to reveal the plot because someone might steal it. Hahaha, bitch please. Anyway, a friend of mine read it and told me the plot is pretty similar to Brokeback Mountain. I mean, yeah some part of it but that's not my fault. I really love that movie ok. It's a masterpiece. And gay Jake Gyllenhaal is so hot, he can lick my balls anyday. I mean whaaaat. I was just joking. No I'm not.

3. Clean my room

Oh god, my room is as dirty as a whore's vagina at this point. Hahaha that analogy cracked me up I'm so funny. As I type, I swear on my table there is a broken clock, my textbooks, my story books, an empty packet drink, a mineral bottle,some dirty laundry and the list goes on. And there's like 8 boxes lying around. Urgh can I pay one of you to clean this place? 

I can't think of anything else, that was a short list. As short as my ding-a-ling. Oh well, I'm an underachiever and that's a known fact. I'll update this shit once I can think of anything else to do. Probably not. Oh well, I guess this is it for now. I know, I'll miss you too. I'll see you again soon babe, and I'll be thinking of you every second when we're apart :) <3 

Uncertainty

My finals ended about a week ago. I guess I should be relieved, I mean isn't that what you normally feel after an exam? but I'm not.That was by far, the worst exam I have ever sat for. Even my driving test went better than that, and we all know how that turned out. 

How do you sit back and enjoy your holidays when the thought of possibly failing your exams linger at the back of your mind?

I had a conversation with dad yesterday. I let my guard down, and I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying and I accidentally told him that I might fail. A normal father would calm you down, reassure you that it's okay to fail. He might even hug you afterwards.

But not my fucking dad. He started scolding really loudly -some might call it yelling- that how can I even fathom the thought of failing, That my one and only job in the world is to study and I can't even do that right. That I have to pay my own exam fees if I fail. What's so hard about that? I'll just be a prostitute hah

But honestly, I have the most un-supportive parents in the world. Throughout this 2 and a half years, not once I complained about the hardship of Medicine because I know my parents will laugh and ridicule me about it. I know it sounds like I'm an ungrateful child, I agree that my parents have done a lot for me. They've been great guardians but I'm not sure if they've been great parents. 

One good thing out of all these is that I know exactly how to raise my children. Doing the opposite of what mine did.

Back to the topic of uncertainty, I'm pretty uncertain about my future. Results will be out in 2 days. I'm not sure if I can handle retaking the exams. I don't think I am emotionally capable of that. And I'm not ready to give up this carefree lifestyle I have going on at the moment. I should have studied harder damn it.
I'm hoping for the best but I'm prepared for the worst. 

Best of luck to all of us.

Lunch @ Garibaldi Italian Restaurant & Bar, Bangsar Village

Me and a few friends of mine decided to treat a girlfriend of ours to some good Italian food around the Bangsar area as Italian food is her favorite. After some research, the name Garibaldi's came up so we've decided to give it a try. It took us around 30 minutes to get from Bukit Jalil to Bangsar Village. Once you're there, the restaurant is pretty easy to spot.

The entrance of Garibaldi's. It is a restaurant plus bar. Since we went around 12pm, no one was really at the bar. Apparently, the place is very lively at night with the crowd and music. Must come here at night one of the days.

The waiter was very nice and patient, I must say. We took so long to order because the menu was so overwhelming - in a good way of course. We opted for the three course meal, but Garibaldi's have different courses you could try. Take a look at their website (below) to take a look at their menu. The ones we tried were:

Appetizers :             Bruschetta / Pumpkin Croquette/ Potato Wedges

                                                             +

Main Course :      Chicken Scallopini /Chicken Parmigana/ Lamb Shank /Grilled Salmon

                                                             +

Dessert:                  Signature Apple Cake/ Panna Cotta/ Chocolate Pavet

The interior of the restaurant is very brightly-lid and very cozy. We all ordered fruit juices and the drinks came pretty fast. The food took about 20-25 minutes which isn't so bad. 

The interior of Garibaldi's.

From the upper left to bottom left : Lamb shank, Grilled Salmon, Chicken Scallopini and the Chicken Parmigiana. It tastes as scrumptious as it looks!

The Bruschetta, it's a like o toasted bread topped with tomato and etc. It's amazing how a few simple items can make something so delicious.

The Pumpkin Croquette. Simple and tasty.

The lamb was incredibly tender, but the serving was a little big for my liking. The mash potato was a bit bland but still, an amazing dish.

The Panna Cotta. This was so yummy, I wished they served it in a bigger portion.

The chocolate Pavet. The strawberries were a little bit sour, but the pavet was good. Might have been way better if the strawberries weren't so sour.

Overall, I would say it was a good lunch and my friends really enjoyed it. The price totaled up to around RM 30- 40 per person which isn't too bad compared to other Italian places I suppose. I'll definitely come here again,.preferably to try their alcohol. LOL

Ratings: Environment  8/10

                        Food  7/10

                        Price   7/10

For more info, head up to www.garibaldi.com.my  Leave me a comment for any inquiries. Thank you!

The End Of The World

Today is the 20th of December 2012. And according to the Mayans, tomorrow shall be the day where the human apocalypse happens. There are mixed feelings about this. Some people are sure that this is true, and in attempt to make their last night count, they're out partying the night away. I was even invited to an 'End Of The World' party but I thought it was such a ridiculous idea for a party, so I ditched it and I'm at home blogging about it. Ironic much. And there are some people who just don't give a rat's ass and they're just continuing with their lives.

Where do I stand, you may ask. Or you might not. But I'm going to tell you anyway.

When I first saw that God-awful movie '2012' I thought this is such a stupid movie I can't even. This movie is wrong on so many levels. Firstly, how is it that John Cusack (whatever his stupid name was in the movie) survived every single catastrophe that was  happening around him, in a freaking limo. Secondly, what the movie was trying to tell us is that if you're rich, even you can survive the apocalypse. And to this I say, what the F***! It's called an apocalypse for a reason, you dumb-twat! No one survives an apocalypse! Thirdly, who the heck are Mayans and why are we listening to them? This makes no sense!

But that was what I thought when I was 18. So young, so naive.

Now I'm 21. Of course, I have a much more mature mind set. So you're probably wondering if I believe in the end? I didn't. Right until precisely a week ago. So what made me change my mind?

Firstly, I was watching a documentary where a group of scientists discussed the possibility of the world ending tomorrow. After about 2 hours of discussion, the verdict was it's highly possible! What! I was so flabbergasted by this. Of course I have to believe the scientists, being a man of science myself. But I tried to brush it off. Oh well. 

Then I wasn't feeling very happy about this whole thing so I did some research. Typed it on Google, just like everybody else would. And after a few hours of reading numerous articles and blogs, I was convinced. I was going to die. Then I realised I haven't done anything with my life. How pathetic. I was going to die a virgin. Ha-ha. I'm sure I'm not the only one. *wink*

But now, when the end seems so near, I don't think it will end. More like I hope it won't end. I mean, I know the Earth wasn't meant to last forever. But that's the thing, nothing lasts forever. We are all going to die and that's the inevitable truth. So that doesn't mean we have to sit and cry about it? No. It's not about the destination (which is probably coffins and cemeteries lol) it's about the journey. And the journey is what makes life amazing. So as long as your heart keeps beating, you're alive and be grateful about it and for God's sake, quit whining

That's what I think, even though I might be so wrong. Let's just see what happens tomorrow :)

New Year Resolutions

2012 is coming to an end in about 12 days. Unless the apocalypse happens on the 21st and kill us all.
It's a good thing, everyone always looks forward to a new beginning. Let bygones be bygones and start over. That's the magic of The New Years. No matter how much you screw up 2012, you get to start all over again on the 1st of January. And like every single human being in this world, I too have a few things I would like to accomplish during 2013, you probably would've guessed that by the title of the blog. Unless you're a moron., if you are, you would probably enjoy my blog.

1. Be a nicer person

I'm not saying I'm a bitch or anything, but the world could do with more nicer people. In all my existence, 2012 is probably the year where I got angry the most and lashed at people. I should probably get that under control. I lost some friends along the way, but that isn't how life should be. It should be all sparkly and glittery, with double rainbows and unicorns. LOL

2. Smile more

I smile and laugh a lot. Like probably a little too much, sometimes even at my own jokes. I'm not crazy.
But in this bitter, miserable world, isn't it nice to have a few laughs? Smile at a stranger maybe, that wouldn't be creepy at all. Even if you're sad, always smile, because you'' never know who is falling in love with your smile.

3. Hug more

Ah yes, my friends know I hate hugging. I don't even hug my parents. But sometimes when you're down, a hug could make it all better. So from now, I'm gonna hug all my friends. Yes, every single one of you. Unless your boobs are as big as mine, then you know we'll have an awkward moment there but oh well. A friend of mine once told me I look like Oprah, so a big cuddly hug from me can cure all your problems!

4. Take care of myself.

Jesus, I'm probably the worst doctor-to-be ever, I never do anything to take care of myself! Most of the times I just fall asleep at night before brushing my teeth because I'm so fucking lazy but that all has to change.
 I'm going to eat healthier and exercise more. Maybe not like a marathon, should start with more badminton or something fun like that.

5. Be a better medical student

I'm probably the worst medical student alive. Yes, I get through exams pretty well but that isn't what the Medical line is about. I should be constantly reading, sharing facts with my colleagues lol I said colleagues
and enriching myself with new exciting information. Instead, I sit with my laptop all day and watch re-runs of The Big Bang Theory. That shit has got to stop. All my friends are so hardworking, why can't I be more like them?

6. Spend more quality time with my friends and family.

 I spend a lot of time with them, so I want to emphasize the word quality. Because I'm the queen of crap, I crap a lot to my friends and family and we all end up laughing most of the time. But life isn't about crap. It's about all the meaningful conversations and heartfelt expressions of feeling and all that shit. So from now on, say something meaningful to each other.

7. Pray more

Ah yes, I used to be religious believe it or not. Now I rarely do it. I don't know what happened, life maybe got in the way. But this must change. He has always been there for me, so it's about time I give Him my thanks. And I should probably read The Bible more. I used to read it everyday last time. Damn, Vani you became bad to worse.

8. And lastly, blog more

Hahaha. I only blogged 6 times this year. I always wanted to be like a food blogger, I probably should. I went to eat at some fancy places before, might as well blog about it. And instead of yelling at people, I might as well yell here.

So that's it. My New Year Resolutions. I hope I can do all of these. Hope is such a beautiful word isn't it? Let me know what you want to accomplish in 2013! Till next time.

                                                                                                                                                  Love, Vani

Life is too short.

Life is too short to do things you don't like.
Life is too short to remove the USB safely.
Life is too short to follow all the rules.
Life is too short to hurt the ones you love.
Life is too short to neglect your parents.
Life is too short to be studying all the time.
Life is too short to not try something new.
Life is too short to only do things you're allowed to.
Life is too short to not chase that special someone.
Life s too short to be on a diet.
Life is too short to be saving money.
Life is too short to be sitting around at home all day.
Life is too short to be taking your friends for granted.
Life is too short to be focusing on the little things.
Life is too short for not asking sexual references.
Life is too short to not express your feelings.
Life is too short to not make plans with your friends.
Life is too short to be angry with your parents.
Life is too short to be afraid of new things.
Life is too short to regret what we could've done.

What I mean is life is short. No matter if you die at 18 or you die at 80, life is short. Don't regret not  doing something you always wanted to do because other unimportant things get in the way.